To weigh or not to weigh?

To weigh or not to weigh?  That is my question for you tonight!

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I used to be in the weigh-myself-every-single-day-sometimes-many-times-a-day camp.  Every morning, I would hop out of bed straight onto the scale.  Of course, I couldn’t forget to go to the bathroom first because God knows there had to be at least half a pound I could get rid of by simply peeing!  (TMI?  Sorry!)  I would tip-toe up to it, & say a little prayer.

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Like a good little scale-slave, I based my day on the number that flashed above my toes.  If it was my happy number (Or lower! Oh joy!), I was a happy girl.

Who ME?!?!

YAY! I am thin today!

If it was above my happy number, I was a devastated, cranky wreck.  I would proceed to beat myself up all day long, determined not to eat anything that could possibly be unhealthy or make that bastard scale number number creep up.  After eating very little all day long, I would come home & weigh myself again.  If the number was lower than it had been in the morning, I had succeeded.  I could continue on with my day without guilt.  If not, more self loathing.  A longer workout followed, which naturally I suffered through because I had no fuel!  By the time I got home for dinner, I was STARVING!  But I couldn’t have dinner yet!  No no no . . . the scale was calling me.  Perfect little scale slave stripped down & held her breath.  Had my food restrictions & over-exercising paid off?  Typically, yes.  But at what cost?  Even when I was eating full, healthful meals & exercising daily, I based my mood, & my self worth, on that little number.  It was madness.

And sadness.

Down with the pouty lip!

I am a very private person by nature, so I didn’t share this struggle with anyone.  I had to have a “Come to Jesus” of sorts with myself in order to kick this bad habit & move towards a happier self.

I tossed the idea around.  Could I really get rid of my scale? So much of my life hung on this habit of obsessively weighing myself.  What could happen? I like to think of myself as a fairly intelligent person, so logically, I knew that nothing bad could actually happen.  How will I know if I’m thin enough? When I asked myself this question, I had my answer.  Time to stop being a frickin’ lunatic!  The scale went unceremoniously into the dumpster.

It was liberating.  I was FREE!!!! Free at last!  I have never in my life frolicked, but if there was ever a frolic-worthy moment, that was it.  Honestly, I haven’t looked back.

I wasn’t immediately healed or anything.  There was definitely a learning curve with this no weighing myself business.  But eventually, I settled into a new routine, minus the scale.

And I would be lying if I said I don’t have days where I feel down about my body.  Some days, I wake up, look in the mirror & think, “How can anyone be this bloated!?” or, “My thighs are enormous.  Seriously, they are the largest thighs on the planet.  My knees are completely eclipsed by them!” or, “Good God!  Where did this ba-donk-a-donk come from?  Sheesh–lay off the cookie dough!”

But instead of hating myself for the rest of the day, I cover up my “flaws” with a cute outfit that makes me feel great & get on with it.

YAY for wine!Yes, I still weigh myself–about twice a year when I’m visiting my parents.  Each time, I ask myself if I really want to do it because I know the potential consequences.  It has been so difficult for me to get to a more positive place with my body image–do I want to undo it all by tip-toeing onto the platform of self loathing?  I feel like I’m still in a fragile place about that number.  Sometimes, I just skip it.  And sometimes, I say to heck with it & just go for it.

When I let go of the negativity & self loathing, it freed me to actually listen to my body.  I don’t feel like I work out any more or less than I did before; but now, I work out because I want to.  Because I like the way it makes me feel.  Because I know that I’ll feel lousy if I don’t.  Because it makes me happy & silly & better than I’d be if I didn’t.

I eat when I’m hungry.  I eat foods I like.  I DON’T count calories (Blech blech blech! Never again!!!).  Occasionally, I eat more than I probably should, but I don’t beat myself up over it.  I eat healthfully overall, try to eat whole foods, & just don’t worry about it all that much. 

If there’s one thing I do know for sure, it’s that I am happier.  My scale was a bully, & it made me feel bad.  I let it do that to me.  I asked it to!  And just like that, I realized I could get it to stop.

Bottom line:

if I feel good . . .

if I’m happy with what I see when I look in the mirror . . .

if I like the way my clothes fit . . .

if I appreciate the strength my body is capable of . . .

then the number on the scale truly DOES NOT MATTER.

A Q for you . . .

Do you weigh yourself?

“Guilty! I say guilty!”

“You can see it on his smug little face!  Guilty!  I say guilty!”

Let it be known that I am in love with The Incredibles.

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Easily one of my favorite movies.  I love a good animated flick.  I missed Megamind in theaters, but I can’t wait for it to come out on DVD!  What can I say?  I’m a sucker for some good PG entertainment. :)

Before I explain what it is I am guilty of, I must let you know that I do not feel guilty about this . . . I am merely using this particular forum to profess my guilt.  The source of my guilt causes me to feel no guilt whatsoever.

Do you get it?  OK, good.

Moving on . . . I saw an amazing recipe for an individual portion of Eggless Cookie Dough over on Iowa Girl Eats a couple of weeks ago.  Being that the recipe was individually portioned (which is key for me), & I had everything on hand, I knew I had to make it immediately!

It also gave me the opportunity to use my new measuring spoons!  How cute are these!?!

Precious!

This recipe couldn’t possibly be easier.  It’s got everything I love about a recipe–comes together in minutes, makes a portion size that doesn’t leave me feeling overly full, & tastes amazingly delicious!  I also hate love that the recipe is crazy easy to remember.  You will memorize it instantly.

You want some, dontcha?  Thought so.  Here ya go:

Eggless Cookie Dough

1 T. Smart Balance Light –softened in the microwave for ~8 seconds

2 T. brown sugar

3 T. flour

sprinkle of salt

a few drops of vanilla

chocolate chips, nuts, coconut, butterscotch chips, oatmeal, dried cherries–essentially whatever mix-ins you like in your cookie dough! ;)

  1. Put everything but the mix-ins into a small bowl.

    Admittedly, not much to look at. Patience.

  2. Give it a little elbow grease & get everything totally combined.
  3. Add in your mix-ins.

    I may get a little heavy-handed with my mix-ins.

  4. Give it another whirl.

    Hello, lover!

  5. Devour.
  6. Repeat.  I may or may not do this step; I’ll leave it up to your discretion.

I like to make mine in a plastic container so that if I have some leftover (ha!), I can just pop a top on it & stick it in the fridge.  Doesn’t happen ever often, but it’s nice to have the option.

So where’s the guilt, you ask?  I am totally, 100%, unapologetically guilty of making this every night for the past week.  I am a dessert every day type of girl.  I love that this is a single serving because dessert tends to be something I binge on pretty easily when unlimited amounts are available.  It keeps my sweet tooth & my self control in check.

Please, for the love of God, go make yourself some cookie dough.  You need this cookie dough in your life.  I promise, you won’t be sorry.

Along with my cookie dough, I’m off to settle in for some Wednesday night comedies on ABC & this little lover that came today.

A Q for you . . .

What are you unapologetically guilty of???

 

Bummersauce

Work today was totally, completely, 100% frustrating.  Bummersauce.

I’m not going to lie, sometimes I have a day like this & come home to comfort myself with a pan of brownies, pajamas at 4 PM, no exercise, & an evening of general self-loathing.  But I know from past experience that this only makes it worse, so I powered through & did some good things for me!  YAY!

After putting on some play clothes, I sipped on a lovely cup of peppermint tea from my Valentine’s mug.  I am a total sucker for anything holiday themed.  I love decorating for any & every holiday.  Makes things so much cheerier, dontcha think??

Isn't she precious???

 

When in doubt, I also recommend taking jumping photos of yourself with your camera’s self timer.  I swear, it totally cheered me up!

Wheeeeeee!!!

On today’s workout agenda were a couple shows from Exercise TV! I LOVE having these workouts at my fingertips.  There are SO many of them, so I never get bored, & it’s a heck of a lot cheaper than going to a gym.

First up, Jackie Warner’s Total Body Power Circuit.  Girl is legit!  Sometimes I get a little scared that she’s going to reach through the TV & whip my butt if I don’t keep up!  Seriously, though, I love this workout because it really works my muscles, but I never get to a point where I feel like quitting.  Plus, I get that “good hurt” the next day.  :D

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Next, a little yoga with Bethenny.  Now I must profess my love for Bethenny Frankel.  She is so wonderfully blunt; I adore her.  And not to get all schmoopy on you, but I find her really inspiring.  As a 31 year old single woman, I feel a little jaded in the love/marriage/career department.  When I look at how far Bethenny has come in her 30s, it gives me hope for myself.  I’m nowhere near as driven as she is, but she really makes me believe I can give it a go!  Her book, A Place of Yes, is coming out soon, & I honestly can’t wait!!!

Right in the comfort of my own living room!

Anywho, onto the calming wonderfullness (yes, I just made up that word) that is yoga.  I rarely take the time to stretch after working out, so I love that this totally relaxes my muscles while also working them.

My workouts were really good today.  Definitely glad I made myself do them!  I was super hungry when I got done, though, so I whipped up a Roasted Veggie Salad inspired my Kristin, one of my favorite bloggers!  My version went like this:

Roasted Veggie Salad

Spray a cookie sheet with cooking spray.  Peel & chop a small butternut squash & put it on the pan.  Spray the squash with more cooking spray & sprinkle with 1/2 T. brown sugar & some ground cinnamon.  Toss it all together until it’s coated.

Then, chop up a small eggplant.  Spray with cooking spray & sprinkle with garlic salt & pepper.  Throw it on the pan next to the squash.  Pop the veggies into the oven at 425* for about 30 minutes.

While the veggies roast, slice up half an onion & caramelize it over medium low heat.  While the onions are doing their thing, add about 1/4 cup balsamic vinegar to a small saucepan & reduce it down until it becomes syrupy deliciousness.  I would tell you how to do this, but I’m not all that great at it.  Google it.  Practice.  You’ll find your way.  And when I master it, I’ll post about it then. :)

When there are about 10 minutes left for the veggies, throw a handful of grape tomatoes onto the pan.  Put some romaine lettuce into a bowl & toss it with Garlic Gold Lemon Vinaigrette.  If you haven’t tried this stuff, it is life changing.  Order it.  I promise you won’t be sorry.

The veggies should be about done roasting by now, so take ’em out.  Throw about half the squash & eggplant & all the tomatoes on top of the romaine.  Top the whole thing with your onions & balsamic syrup.

OMG!  The balsamic & onions totally make this!!!  I die!

Paired with my beer of choice, cuz it was a rough day & it couldn’t hurt, right???

Totally hit the spot!

Ha!  Take that, Bad Day!!!  Off to enjoy some How I Met Your Mother . . . I’ve got my eye on something sweet in the kitchen, too!

A Q for you . . .

How do you undo a bad day?

 

 

Who ME?!?!

I have been toying with the idea of blogging for quite some time . . . a few years, in fact!  I think my reluctance lies in the fact that I sort of hate to be the center of attention.  It’s true.  Birthdays freak me out.  The idea of being a bride and having all eyes on me?  Totally puts me over the top.  Even a family going away party my mom threw for me last year gave me serious anxiety.  Needless to say, the idea of devoting an entire blog to ME seemed impossible for a long time.  My turning point?

Who ME?!?!

Who ME?!?!

 

Recent events have put me back on the dating scene.  And you know what?  I think I might be a lousy date!  I feel like my anxiety about being the center of attention has caused me to completely and entirely lose myself.  :(  A guy I went out with a couple of months ago asked me what I liked to do.  Lamest date ever had no answer.  What do I like to do, anyway???  Sheesh.  This is a problem.

Shoot!  Am I lame???

Shoot! Am I lame???

 

So here I am.  The idea behind my blogging is to find me, focus on me, and discover what I want, value, and enjoy.  I think I already have some of the answers, but learning and growing will only make me a better, stronger person.  I’ll try not to get too mushy on you because it’s really just not my style, but I can’t promise a super peppy post every day of the week.  I am a (fairly) normal person; I have up days and down days.  But I do promise you this: I will be real with you.  If you have a question, ask it.  I’ll be honest.  Afterall, how am I going to find myself if I’m not being honest?

Alrighty then!  If you’re still reading, here’s a few things you need to know about me (would these be acceptable things to share with a first date???):

I have an unnatural obsession with Victoria’s Secret PINK.  I have sweats, hoodies, bags, water bottles, you name it.  Love!

My sis & me on Christmas Eve in our PINK jammies!

My sis & me on Christmas Eve in our PINK jammies!

I like running.  Really.  I have horrible knees and probably shouldn’t run at all, ever, but running makes me happy.  So I do it.  I have never gone running and thought afterwards, “Man, I really wish I had stayed home on the couch.”  Nope.  Makes me feel better every time I do it!

Why, yes, I did pass that guy!

Why, yes, I did pass that guy!

Wine is delicious.  The end.

YAY for wine!

YAY for wine!

 

Last, but absolutely NOT least, I love love love to cook and bake!  Living alone makes baking a pretty dangerous undertaking given the fact that I have pretty much zero self control around baked goods.  But I love it, so I bake.  And then I run. :)

Cookie Bakin'

Cookie Bakin'

There ya have it.  A little bit about me.  Hope you come back!!!

A Q for you . . .

What do you like to do???