Tag Archives: dating

5 Ways to Tell He’s a Keeper (and 5 Ways to Tell He’s NOT)

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24

You guys, I think I might be dating someone. I have . . . a man friend.

And it’s not gross rainbows and butterflies and staring longingly into each others’ eyes. No–none of that absurdity. But Manfriend and me? We like, like each other. It’s kind of awesome that he’s actually into my particular brand of crazy and makes me laugh and can carry on an intelligent conversation. And he’s a pretty good kisser, too. ;) Who says you can’t have it all?girlsPaula says I’ll find out what’s wrong with Manfriend if we ever live together, but I’m willing to venture that that’s a ways off. So instead, I give you the reasons I think I’ll let him stick around.

1. We have a lot to talk about

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Sure, we spend a fair amount of time joking around and making fun of the world with basically the same sense of humor–which plays nicely together–but we can also have real conversations. About work and the news and our families and our interests. There are no lags. We’ve always got things to say. Which is good, I think. I mean, in another 50 years or so, I’d like to be hanging out with someone who will still make me laugh and maybe even flirt with me a little even though my face is full of creases and I consider Metamucil a food group. Manfriend also actually listens to the things I say. He wants to know about me. It’s like hanging out with a best friend, which is pretty nice.

2. He shows an interest in the things I like–but he still does his own thing

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OK, so super bonus points for loving my dog. I don’t think I could date someone who didn’t love Roo as much as I do. And those 2? Love at first sight. But Manfriend doesn’t just like my dog. For instance, the other day, he asked me when I might be running again (yes, he sat through that sad story . . . ) not because I’m getting soft from 4 days of laying on the couch and being sick, but because he might want to go with me.

Pause for reaction.

I know those of you in normal relationships might not think much of this, but no guy I’ve ever dated has shown an interest in anything I’m into. By the same token, Manfriend still has his own things and has his own life which is important to me. I have things that are priorities to me, too–things I don’t want to give up just because I’m dating someone. It’s good to do things together, but it’s also pretty great to have your own things.

3. He does things for me even when there’s nothing in it for him. 

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I think this is just what mature dudes do. Maybe. As I mentioned, I’ve been sick this week–laid up on the couch and full of snot and VapoRub. It’s hawt. Manfriend has come by to check on me, delivered citrus fruits full of vitamin C, picked up Roo from Vizsland, made me dinner, brought me movies to watch–I mean, really really nice stuff. So of course, I have to be awkward and thank him profusely because it’s soso nice and no one has ever been this nice to me. His response? “This is what people do.” Like, of course he’s going to be sweet to me and let me lay my head in his lap while I’m full on mouth breathing and coughing up a lung so I don’t get too lonely. Because that’s what normal people do. Apparently, normal people also tell you you’re cute when you’re sick even though you have on no makeup and your rattiest yoga pants and can’t possibly look cute because your sinuses are about to explode.

4. He wants to meet my friends–and actually talks to them. 

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When I mentioned I’d be out on Saturday night celebrating a couple of friends’ birthdays, Manfriend was totally up for it. He wanted to meet my friends. I didn’t even have to ask. Even better, Manfriend showed up with his shirt tucked in and his hair combed like a goddamned grown up. He met and chatted with my friends, asked them intelligent questions about themselves, and listened to what they had to say. I didn’t have to babysit him or stay glued to his side. And while he was personable and came away well-liked by my friends, he didn’t flirt with them. This is key. I’ve been out with that guy. Douche canoe move.

5. He cares about how I feel. 

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Manfriend is kind of a pro at this. I’m definitely a lot more confident in myself than I have been in the past, but I do worry sometimes that I’m being too needy or that I’m asking too much of him. Before I even have a chance to start worrying, though, Manfriend reassures me. Which–in all honesty–is completely fantastic. He’s just so easy to be with. I still have some of the fear . . . like–what if it’s too much too soon?–but he responds in a way that makes me feel reassured. That in itself kind of scares me, but I guess you never get to anything good if you hide behind the fear, so I just need to be brave and let it happen.

Oh, and now that I’ve had a good experience with online dating, I can also share 5 Signs You Should Run the Other Way. Perhaps obvious. Perhaps not.

  1. He calls or texts his mom during your first date–because they need to be in constant communication.
  2. He reschedules your first date at the last minute because he has to work. If he’s doing this on date one, what’s he going to be like on date 15? 77? 482?
  3. He never tells you where he lives or lets you come over. (Because he doesn’t want you to wake up his wife and kids)
  4. He takes an inappropriately long time to respond to texts. If the dude is into you, he’s waiting for you to text and will textrightback.
  5. He talks about his ex the whole time. (duh)

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An Embarrassing Dating Story: Feel Free to Judge

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19

Something happened a few weeks ago. I’m not proud, but in the interest of total candor, I’m going to tell you about it anyway. 

I got super drunk.

I didn t text you vodka did

But that’s not the part that causes some shame.

In my drunken state, I met, made out with, and accepted a date with someone who was not at all my type. 

And then I forgot his name and had to ask my friend the next day. I also had to ask him where I left my dignity. 

Yeah.

But at that point, I had already accepted a date with this somewhat unknown person whom I didn’t actually remember, and I’m either incredibly stupid or true to my word, so I went. 

On this date, I didn’t disclose the fact that I had forgotten this person’s name, but I was very honest about the rest of it: which was that I didn’t remember anything else about him. He seemed fine with this. Which seemed odd to me. But, whatever. So we had dinner, and it was relatively painless. He told me about himself and let me know that he was some kind of environmental professional, which is fine for him, but all I could think was, “Oh no. We have nothing in common.” Not that I don’t love the planet or whatever, and I recycle  when it’s convenient for me, but I don’t love the planet, you know???

Also, he had a beard. And rode a bike. And loved camping. And didn’t eat meat. In my mind, these things qualify him to be a hipster. But what do I know? And let me be clear that I don’t have anything against hipsters, per se, but they’re just not generally the type of guy I go for. So.

We had the dinner and that was fine, and as I said, he was super nice. Then a couple days later, I received a follow-up text. So nice, right?! How was my week going and would I like to grab a drink later? Well, I was not available “later,” so the next day was proposed. I agreed. To be honest, I’m not sure why because I knew at this point that he wasn’t for me, but since he was such a nice guy, it seemed like the right thing to do. 

The next day–date #2 day, just 3 days after date #1 day–he texted to propose 2 date ideas. Acoustic show or comedy club. I was mortified. This was like a real date. With plans and times and tickets and pressure. My co-worker had to talk me down. Now, if I had been into the guy, I might have been more into the whole real date thing, but as I said, he wasn’t my type. Still, I didn’t want to be rude and bail, so I agreed to the acoustic show and told myself it would be ok. 

And it was! I had fun with said vegster! But I could tell he was pretty into me, and I . . . as much as I wanted to like such a nice guy . . . just wasn’t feeling it. 

So I went home thinking that was the end of it for me and that I would have to tell him so. But the next day he texted wanting to go out that weekend. We’re going on 3 dates in one week!!! Commence next freak out/talking down cycle. I explained to my wonderful, patient coworker that I wasn’t interested in him, even though he was very nice, and didn’t think I should go. But he said it was fine to go and hang out, I just needed to tell him that he was coming on too strong with the 3 dates in one week, and I wasn’t ready for a relationship (all true facts).

Now, I still question whether or not date #2 or date #3 were a good idea because, really, if you know you’re not interested after date #1, you probably should not go on more dates. But I was trying to give the sweet vegster a chance! However, I realize date #3 was probably a horrible idea. 

Anyway, I went. Date #3 was a long one. There was a very tiny car and a trip to the zoo and a lovely patio dinner and drinks on a rooftop deck. Serious date. Which, if it’s going well, is a great thing. But if it’s only going well for one person, gets somewhat uncomfortable.  To shorten up an already long story, I chickened out and did not tell vegster that I wasn’t into him. 

A week passed. No texts or calls or date invitations. Granted, he knew I was traveling for work, but still. I thought I might be in the clear. But then, a date invitation via text. It was time to shut it down. And, true to form, he was perfectly understanding and nice about it.

So why did I go out with this perfectly nice person several times when I knew I wasn’t interested? Was I just being nice? Avoiding confrontation? Trying to let myself like the nice guy? I’ve no idea. 

That, my friends, concludes this edition of Melissa’s adventures in dating. 

#FML

So Maybe I Won’t Be Single Forever . . .

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13

Oh hey! Yeah, I’m still alive. But to tell you the truth, the last 10 days–the length of my residency here in DC–are kind of a blur. I think the craziness of getting a new job, training for said job, finding a place to live, moving, and settling in to a new city are kind of catching up with me. 

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The good news is, I really like my apartment, I’m learning my way around the city thanks to running, and I’m actually sleeping! That’s right, this insomniac has been beaten down by the chaos of life. I’m not complaining–not one bit! In fact, it’s been nice. The only problem is, I’m kind of exhausted all the time, but whatever. I’ll get caught up on my rest eventually, right?

The other thing that’s going on? Well, I’ve been dating . . . er, going on some dates. Or maybe just hanging out? I have no idea where we cross the line from casually hanging out to actually being on a date. Is it the purchase of food and drink that constitutes a date? Hand holding? Making out? All I know is that several members of my family and many of my married friends are breathing a huge sigh of relief at this news. 

Single forever

There’s hope for her yet! 

Maybe she won’t end up alone after all!

But as you all know, this is a bigger concern to everyone else than it is to me. I’m trying to just have fun and take it as it comes. This, of course, is never easy for me. I tend to get all bajiggity about the tiniest thing at the drop of a hat, so the possibility of a dating-related freak out on the blog in the near future is very real. Be on the lookout.

In the meantime, I will attempt to keep my cool. It should be noted, however, that I have absolutely no game. If you ask me out tonight and I’m free, I’ll say yes. There’s no consulting my calendar or washing my hair. Then again, if I’m not interested, I’m pretty sure I have to go home and feed my dog. 

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She’s laying on the sidewalk hunting birds. I never claimed she was normal.

I also don’t do coy or mysterious. If I like you, you’ll know it. If you’re not sure, that means I’m probably not. I’m really very simple. 

Don’t get me wrong–I’m sure I’m still a huge pain in the ass, but I’ll at least tell you why it’s so. I don’t expect anyone to read my mind or anything. See? Totally reasonable. ;)

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Anywho, I am rambling and probably being somewhat vague, lest one of my dates stalks me online and stumbles across my blog. Or remembers the name of it and finds it rather easily. Yeah, that could happen, too . . . 

Got any dating advice for me? 

I probably won’t take it because, as I said, I am a huge pain in the ass and very set in my ways, but it can’t hurt, right???