You guys, I think I might be dating someone. I have . . . a man friend.
And it’s not gross rainbows and butterflies and staring longingly into each others’ eyes. No–none of that absurdity. But Manfriend and me? We like, like each other. It’s kind of awesome that he’s actually into my particular brand of crazy and makes me laugh and can carry on an intelligent conversation. And he’s a pretty good kisser, too. Who says you can’t have it all?Paula says I’ll find out what’s wrong with Manfriend if we ever live together, but I’m willing to venture that that’s a ways off. So instead, I give you the reasons I think I’ll let him stick around.
1. We have a lot to talk about
Sure, we spend a fair amount of time joking around and making fun of the world with basically the same sense of humor–which plays nicely together–but we can also have real conversations. About work and the news and our families and our interests. There are no lags. We’ve always got things to say. Which is good, I think. I mean, in another 50 years or so, I’d like to be hanging out with someone who will still make me laugh and maybe even flirt with me a little even though my face is full of creases and I consider Metamucil a food group. Manfriend also actually listens to the things I say. He wants to know about me. It’s like hanging out with a best friend, which is pretty nice.
2. He shows an interest in the things I like–but he still does his own thing
OK, so super bonus points for loving my dog. I don’t think I could date someone who didn’t love Roo as much as I do. And those 2? Love at first sight. But Manfriend doesn’t just like my dog. For instance, the other day, he asked me when I might be running again (yes, he sat through that sad story . . . ) not because I’m getting soft from 4 days of laying on the couch and being sick, but because he might want to go with me.
Pause for reaction.
I know those of you in normal relationships might not think much of this, but no guy I’ve ever dated has shown an interest in anything I’m into. By the same token, Manfriend still has his own things and has his own life which is important to me. I have things that are priorities to me, too–things I don’t want to give up just because I’m dating someone. It’s good to do things together, but it’s also pretty great to have your own things.
3. He does things for me even when there’s nothing in it for him.
I think this is just what mature dudes do. Maybe. As I mentioned, I’ve been sick this week–laid up on the couch and full of snot and VapoRub. It’s hawt. Manfriend has come by to check on me, delivered citrus fruits full of vitamin C, picked up Roo from Vizsland, made me dinner, brought me movies to watch–I mean, really really nice stuff. So of course, I have to be awkward and thank him profusely because it’s soso nice and no one has ever been this nice to me. His response? “This is what people do.” Like, of course he’s going to be sweet to me and let me lay my head in his lap while I’m full on mouth breathing and coughing up a lung so I don’t get too lonely. Because that’s what normal people do. Apparently, normal people also tell you you’re cute when you’re sick even though you have on no makeup and your rattiest yoga pants and can’t possibly look cute because your sinuses are about to explode.
4. He wants to meet my friends–and actually talks to them.
When I mentioned I’d be out on Saturday night celebrating a couple of friends’ birthdays, Manfriend was totally up for it. He wanted to meet my friends. I didn’t even have to ask. Even better, Manfriend showed up with his shirt tucked in and his hair combed like a goddamned grown up. He met and chatted with my friends, asked them intelligent questions about themselves, and listened to what they had to say. I didn’t have to babysit him or stay glued to his side. And while he was personable and came away well-liked by my friends, he didn’t flirt with them. This is key. I’ve been out with that guy. Douche canoe move.
5. He cares about how I feel.
Manfriend is kind of a pro at this. I’m definitely a lot more confident in myself than I have been in the past, but I do worry sometimes that I’m being too needy or that I’m asking too much of him. Before I even have a chance to start worrying, though, Manfriend reassures me. Which–in all honesty–is completely fantastic. He’s just so easy to be with. I still have some of the fear . . . like–what if it’s too much too soon?–but he responds in a way that makes me feel reassured. That in itself kind of scares me, but I guess you never get to anything good if you hide behind the fear, so I just need to be brave and let it happen.
Oh, and now that I’ve had a good experience with online dating, I can also share 5 Signs You Should Run the Other Way. Perhaps obvious. Perhaps not.
- He calls or texts his mom during your first date–because they need to be in constant communication.
- He reschedules your first date at the last minute because he has to work. If he’s doing this on date one, what’s he going to be like on date 15? 77? 482?
- He never tells you where he lives or lets you come over. (Because he doesn’t want you to wake up his wife and kids)
- He takes an inappropriately long time to respond to texts. If the dude is into you, he’s waiting for you to text and will textrightback.
- He talks about his ex the whole time. (duh)