Moving Forward vs. Making Progress

Oh hi. Remember me? The girl who used to write this blog? So it turns out I didn’t fall off the face of the earth. I’ve just been busy. Like crazy busy. And sick. And then busy again. 

The main things occupying my time? Work, marathon training, work–and did I mention work?

Yeah. I don’t know if I’ve talked about this before, but I’m actually doing 2 jobs right now. When I applied for my new job, it was because the contract I’m under wasn’t getting renewed, and I obviously needed to plan ahead for some form of income. Well, as you may remember, the whole new job thing came about quite suddenly and definitely unexpectedly, leaving me to finish out my contract (which ends in September) while taking on a new full-time job. All parties were ok with it, and I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity for the new job, so I decided to take the plunge and go for it.

So yes. Now I have not one, but 2 full time jobs. And one is brand new. And I just moved to a new city. And I’m training for a marathon. And I have a puppy. And I’ve been having some (very private/barely talking to anyone about them) health issues. I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to do all of that at once. 

Also, the other night when I had just gotten home from a quick trip to St. Louis for work and was feeling kind of lonely and also pretty crummy (the aforementioned sickness), I decided to do some self-destructive googling. Don’t look at me like that. We’ve all played the “google your ex” game. What can I say? I’m an emotional cutter.

The result of my googling was that I learned that my ex, the guy I dated for the majority of my twenties and saw through a tour in Iraq and the PTSD that followed, is getting married next month. Now, this brings mixed emotions. On one hand, it is definitely a good thing that we didn’t marry each other; we would have been miserable. On the other hand, we really loved each other; why didn’t he ever want to marry me? And what does it say about me that I can’t get my act together to have a relationship, but he, who I consider much more screwed up than me, can???

But my friend Justin (who happens to be one of my very favorite people ever) said something that really put things into perspective for me. 

Just because you’re moving forward doesn’t mean you’re making progress.

Think about that for a minute. 

How many people do you know who just keep plodding away at life, taking the next steps–settling into a career, marriage, kids–without dealing with any of their stuff? Even though my life (to me) seems somewhat stagnant right now, I know that I’ve spent the last 2 years working really hard to figure myself out, to work through all the things that are holding me back, and to be the person I want to be. And it’s hard. When I really think about it, probably a lot harder than if I had just gotten married to that ex and had kids with him and stayed in teaching, I a). wouldn’t have been happy and b). probably never would’ve figured myself out. And while he may very well be making progress (and I hope for his sake that he is), I know that no matter how slow my progress feels to me, I am making it. And I will get to where I want to be eventually.

I’ll be back soon with a much more lighthearted post about weeks 2 and 3 of marathon training . . . XOXO

19 thoughts on “Moving Forward vs. Making Progress

  1. Hey friend! Sorry to hear that you’re going though whatever you’re going through right now. Life is grueling sometimes.

    Facebook is definitely a dangerous gateway to the old days, but you’re right that things are the way they are for a reason. Old relationships are like bad races; you can spend all day playing the “what if” game, but in the end, none of it changes the past and you can only move forward.

    Hang in there and take care of you!

  2. Man that Justin sounds like a guru. Loved what he said. I am sorry you are having some major health issues, I hate those. I had no idea you had two jobs. You seriously are cranking out some major crunch time. Remember we are all here for you and you sure as heck know how to reach me. Ok? Thinking of you as always!

    • Yes, the health stuff and the two jobs–both on the D.L.!

      Thinking of you, too! I have a crazy week this week, but let’s plan on coffee or something in the near future! XO

  3. this post just totally struck a cord with me, as i think a lot of your topics do! (scary, huh?!) but i actually was recently sent an email via linked in from an ex, who had um, cheated on me, and basically caused our breakup. i was crushed. needless to say that was over 7 yrs ago. fastforward, i get the email where he was ‘saying’ hello and that he really cared, blah blah blah….but he has been married for 3 yrs now but that they were having problems starting a family. um, ok.???? so i replied back with a note that said how fabulous my life is….blah blah blah. end of story. BUTTTT i was soooo sad after getting his email. like, really? this guy cheated on me, yet goes on to get married and is leading his happy life???? like how fair is that? yet, here i sit, doing good things, in an up and down relationship and basically feeling like, how the heck does this even happen….not fair one bit. i get exactly what you are saying AND what your friend said. it’s true. i am at a way better place then i was years ago, even months, but sometimes we cant help but question….i just try to remember ‘everything happens for a reason’ and we learn from our mistakes. life is too short to worry about why/how, so you just keep plugging along beautiful girl. you are making strides and going places!!!! xoxoxoxoxo

    • Ugh, I hate that dude. What a jerk! Not fair at all. But we will both keep plugging away and life will work out just as it’s supposed to for us! XOXO

  4. terrid614 says:

    oh. p.s. sorry for whatever health issues you have going on, but will say a prayer that you get better super duper quickly!

  5. Oh girl your life sounds crazy right now. Those events are all high on a stress scale- phew. lots of new things and lots of stress! I hope your health issues get resolved quickly!

  6. I hope life calms down and you feel better really soon! I got a pit in my stomach after reading that about your ex. That must be tough, but how you handled it shows how strong you are! Sometimes I wish that I could always see in “hindsight;” like how I had the hardest time cutting off a relationship in college with a guy that I knew (and who my parents and friends knew) wasn’t good for me. Now I look back, and while I don’t regret anything, it is all soo much clearer why I’m not with him. You keep truckin and know that life will turn out the way it’s supposed to!

    • Thanks, Sara :) I keep telling myself that, but it’s hard to keep things in perspective sometimes. Must remember!!!


  7. So one of my favorite quotes ever if from The Great Gatsby — and I think it’s appropriate here: “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”

    Life is tricky like that, right? Just know, you are not alone – in fact, you’re never alone no matter how alone you feel.

    Too bad your St. Louis trip isn’t this week (I’ll be there Thursday and Friday). I’ve never been there – anything I need to check out?

    • So very tricky . . . I need to remember that not being alone thing. Hard to keep in mind sometimes.

      STL! How do we keep missing each other??? :( Go to the arch–it is really cool. And ride up in it if you can. I am claustrophobic AND afraid of heights, but I’m still glad I did it. And Bridge Tap House is really good for dinner. Great menu, tons of beer, good wine (I had wine :) ).


  8. Oh dear, sounds like you are going thru a season. I am so proud of you and your perspective on life. Just following your blog for the past year, I can tell how much you have grown and became stronger. We are all a work in progress, and even though at times it may seem small, you my friend are making leaps and bounds. I am sending prayers your way for your health. Thinking of you and looking forward to hearing about your training. Love ya girl!

    • Thank you thank you thank you, sweet girl! You have been such a rock this past year yourself. Here’s to the journey! XOXO


  9. Ya. I’ve done the whole “look up your ex thing”, too. Pretty experienced at it actually. But (maybe?) you can promise yourself to not to be doing that anymore. It’s all a part of the process of moving forward. Leave that dude in the past where he belongs. One thing I’ve learned as the old bitty that I am (almost 40) , is that you can hinder receiving the fullness of all that’s in store for you if the past is allowed to linger in your life. Love you much! xo

  10. You’ve got a great friend, there. Wise words.

    And YEA, I’m friends with my ex on FB and get to watch him and his gorgeous wife have beautiful babies. I could easily unfriend him, but instead, I torture myself about once a month…UGH!!!

    Sending lovely thoughts your way in hopes that to get to feeling better!

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