The Post in Which I Talk About Dating

I really liked my dinner tonight.

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Oh, wait. That wasn’t dinner.

This

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was

005

dinner.

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Yeah, this is the girl who doesn’t even like salmon saying she really liked this dinner. It was fantastic. I’m being 100% spoiled with my dad cooking dinner—Alaskan Coho salmon grilled with brown sugar and soy sauce? Veggies sautéed with red wine and garlic? Clos du Val cabernet? Seriously. They’ve gotta start serving mac ‘n cheese and boxed wine if they ever want me to move out! Winking smile

Yep, it was yummy, my belly is full, and there’s a cozy fire to sit beside on this windy night. Hard to resist . . .


In other news, tonight I’ve decided to talk about something I rarely discuss on the blog.

Dating.

A sort of follow up, if you will, to last week’s mention.

I was supposed to go on a blind date. Long story short, I sort of put it out there that I was looking for a date to the wedding I went to last weekend—you know, the one where I didn’t know anyone??—so I would have someone to hang out with. But then I realized that going with someone I don’t really know might be even more awkward than not knowing anyone, right? So I kind of let that go.

small talk

In the meantime, someone in my life was trying very hard to find me a date—and find she did! (Thanks, Mom!)

So after some technical difficulties, we facebooked and whatnot. But the whole time, I was feeling super hesitant about it. The whole thing just made me uncomfortable. I mean, what did I know about this dude? (<—just typed ‘dud.’ Freudian slip???) And did I really want to be on a first date at a wedding? Nope, not really. The wedding was looming, so I just told him that since I hadn’t heard back from him sooner, I had decided to go alone. Done deal. No biggie, right?

But then there was the suggestion of getting together for drinks. OK, I guess I could do that. Couldn’t hurt, right? Just drinks. I like drinking. I mean, I really like drinking. So I could go for a drink with this guy. And then I could go meet my friends for dinner. And it would be totally ok because there was an end point to the “drinks” and if it was awful, I had an out.

DAC 015

Alcohol makes everything OK

I agreed to drinks (via email, naturally, because that is oh-so-safe), mentioning that I was meeting friends for dinner later in the evening. To which he came back with something like, “Oh, I didn’t realize you had other plans. I was hoping we could talk without a time crunch. Maybe we should reschedule. Or maybe we could do drinks and then meet up again. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Dude.

DUDE.

Too much. Too too too much for this crazy ass chick who isn’t even sure she wants to go out with you to begin with. If I were comfortable with anything but just drinks, I WOULD HAVE SAID SO!!!

Commence total freak out. And feeling overwhelmed. And pressured.

anxiety-girl-comic

When it starts feeling anything but fun, it’s time to call it off. I mean, if a date induces that much anxiety, you probably shouldn’t go, right??? RIGHT????

So I called it off. Like a total coward. But I wasn’t feeling it. And then there was pressure. And I really really hate pressure. Pretty much any time someone tells me I have to do something, I’m out. Nope, not gonna do it. Digging in my heels. Zero budge opportunity.

stubborn

Oh HAYLL no!

It’s not that I’m not willing to date. Or that I’m saying I won’t ever again (at least not today . . . ). But I do get to choose. I get to decide if and when I’m comfortable. Who and how if the opportunity presents itself. For now, I’m dating her:

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She’s cute, right? And she likes the same things I do. Like wine. And running. And wine. And frosting. So we’re taking things slow and enjoying each other’s company.

Do I want to be alone when I’m 70? No, not really. But right now, I just want to be. Alone or not, when it’s right, it will come. If I’ve learned anything in my 31 years, it’s that anytime you try to force it, anytime you’re not ready, anytime something feels off, it’s not right.

I like me—finally. Finally. And that’s kind of a fragile thing at the moment. So I’m not going to give anyone the opportunity to upset that until I feel really secure in that.

Are you single? Have you ever been for any extended period of time? How did you handle it?

-OR-

If you’re in a relationship, aren’t you glad you’re not me right now? Winking smile

13 thoughts on “The Post in Which I Talk About Dating

  1. I’m single. And have been for a long while now. I’m not searching for anything and I kind of love the singleness. I like not having to “check-in” and I get to do whatever I want when I want. When guys pursue me I’m like … “nah .. I’m not ready for it.” haha

  2. I love it! Blind dates are completely overrated. I hate them and run as far away as possible from them. I hate when people feel the need to intervene with my love life and set me up on dates. I’m pretty sure if I wanted a boyfriend I could find one on my own :)

    Good for you for just dating you!

    P.S. That dinner looks amazing!

  3. I’ve never been on a blind date. I have too much social anxiety to even consider it! I’d have to have a half bottle of wine before I even go to meet the guy haha. Just keep doing you :) I’m living with my boyfriend now, just moved to Sweden with him actually, and to be honest, it’s stressful. Life was easier dating as a teenager :S
    And p.s. You’re 31?! I never would have guessed it!

    • I lived with a guy for a couple of years and I agree–it was stressful! I’m sure you’re just working out the kinks, though.

      My anxiety ebbs and flows. Sometimes it’s worse than others, but it definitely doesn’t support blind dating!

      and to your PS–Bless you! :D

  4. I was single for about 4 months between relationships before and I hung out with friends a LOT. Lots of beer and playing darts at bars.
    I probably would have called off that date too after the time crunch thing, though. Or I would have told him that I’m good with drinks with a time crunch for now.

  5. Found you on STSL. I’m married but totally understand what you mean. I think it’s wise to know yourself and listen to that inner voice that says “no” or at least “not now”. I think that takes far more courage than to just jump in head first…even though it may not feel that way.

    • Thanks, Faith! I never really thought of it as taking courage, but I guess you’re right. It would be easier if I were part of a couple–at least for my friends who seem to be uncomfortable with me being single–but this is what I need right now. When the time is right, I’ll know.

  6. Katie says:

    You did the right thing. Absolutely no reason to force yourself into going when you had a legitimate reason to feel uncomfortable. Should you put yourself out there? Of course – when you feel like it and are ready to and the right situation presents itself! If not? No big deal.

    Also? He came on way too strong!! It reminds me of a local radio show that has people call in for ‘second chance dates’ – some of these guys called 7 times in a few days past the date and couldn’t figure out why the girl didn’t want another date.

    Um, here’s a clue – that scares most sane people away!

    Keep doing what you’re doing. :)

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