{in}security

Posted on August 30, 2011 by Melissa

Mmmmmm. I think this might be Chocolate Covered Katie week here on the old blog. After the fantastic success of the Peanut Butter Cookie Dough Cookies, I decided to start off my morning with another one of her fantastic recipes. Namely, Raspberry Marzipan Muffins!

I made a few substitutions, like melted Smart Balance Light for the oil, and all vanilla extract instead of vanilla + almond (because I didn’t have any!), then used Splenda for the sweetener portion because that’s what I did have. All in all, holy yumballs! I’d call it a success.

Since the recipe makes 2, I shared with Mom. I don’t think she hated it. Winking smile

Even with the sweetener, this was sweet, but not too sweet. The raspberries definitely gave it just the right amount of fruity goodness. Highly satisfied with this recipe! It’s a keeper! Open-mouthed smile

Even though I’m finally a little bit more settled now that I’m back in Michigan, I’ve been feeling, well, not that great lately. Physically, I’m just a little run down, which I think is leftover from all the moving and traveling and stress, but emotionally, I’m kind of a mess.

I don’t know why I haven’t blogged about it because I’m a pretty open book on here, but I guess I was just hoping it would go away. Unfortunately, this little nagging thing just isn’t, and it’s buggin’ me.

So how am I feeling exactly? Well, really insecure. And honestly, it annoys me. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. Since I’ve worked so hard to get to a place of feeling good about myself again being completely broken down by my last relationship, it makes me a little nervous.

Where is this insecurity coming from? I’ve tried to break it down, and here’s what I’ve come up with:

Work. Yep, I still love my new job, and I’m really enjoying it, but there are a few things with my contract that are still up in the air which I’m pretty sure would make anyone insecure. Every time I feel like I may have mis-stepped, I freak out a little because I’m worried someone’s going to pull the plug on the whole thing. The likelihood of that happening? In reality, probably very slim, but I’m a worrier by nature, so I tend to think worst case scenario.
Home. Nope, I’m not second-guessing being in Michigan, but I am sort of homeless right now. Obviously, staying at my parents’ house takes care of that, but I don’t my own place to live yet, I’m not really finding anything that’s quite what I want, and due to the aforementioned #1 above, I’m not 100% sure of my budget. Unsettling.
Dudes. Or maybe not dudes is what that should say. I’m feeling a little pressure to be dating more, and I’m nervous about it. As I said, I’ve worked incredibly hard to feel good about myself again, and I’m worried that dating someone is going to somehow take that away from me. I don’t particularly like myself when I’m in a relationship. For some reason, I get super needy, and the more my needs aren’t met, the needier I become. It’s ugly. I hate it, and I’m not sure how to stop it. Until that happens, I’d kind of rather not date. I tested the waters with this a little bit in Virginia and went out with a really great guy a few times before I left, but I already felt myself getting needy in that short time, and I hated it.

So pretty much, I’m feeling insecure because my life right now is NOT secure. I’m probably blowing it out of proportion because that’s my way, but at least I can acknowledge that I’m feeling this way and try to take control of some aspects of my life that I do have power over. I’m a really anxious person by nature, and while I’ve felt much less anxiety in the last several months, it seems to have returned with a vengeance the last few weeks.

Instead of wallowing in this feeling, I’m trying to do things that I know I enjoy, that make me feel good and strong and happy.

Like running.

And cooking.

And spending time with people that like me.

And actually talking about my feelings instead of pretending they don’t exist!

Oh, and making all of CCK’s recipes because they are decidedly delicious. (I was finishing my muffin as I wrote this and felt compelled to add that in.)

Do you ever feel insecure? How do you break yourself out of it?

Bourbon Brown Sugar Pork Tenderloin

Posted on August 29, 2011 by Melissa

Today’s work day did not go as swimmingly as I had hoped. Working from home and dealing with people mostly via email can be kind of stressful. I mean, email is the ultimate shield. People can say anything via email and then claim you took it the wrong way. Except for I’m really smart, and I know that sometimes people are just being flat out rude.

My solution?

I call ‘em on it. Yep. I’m happy to inform just about anyone that the tone of their email has taken a negative turn, and I would prefer to schedule a call to discuss the issue. My inbox tends to get eerily silent after that. Nope, no one wants a call. Too scary to have to actually talk to someone. Winking smile

{Interestingly, I’ve dated people like this, too. But that’s a discussion for another time.}

I suppose this is the leftover teacher in me that doesn’t put up with any BS. At any rate, I’m glad it works!

Anyway, after my long, stupid work day that wasn’t nearly as productive as I’d hoped, it was time for happy hour with the ‘rents.

Ahhh. So nice!

When my mom and I were talking about dinner this afternoon, she mentioned that we had a pork tenderloin on hand. After digging around in some old emails, I came up with a recipe for a marinade that we were both on board with!

Bourbon Brown Sugar Pork Tenderloin

Serves 4 hungry folks

1 package pork tenderloin (usually 2 pork tenderloins)

3/4 c. Dijon mustard
3/4 c. bourbon or water
1 c. soy sauce
1 c. firmly packed brown sugar
1/4 c. Worcestershire sauce

I know it seems like a lot of sauce, but remember, you’re marinating, then making it into a sauce that’s going to reduce down—this will be just the right amount!

Put your pork tenderloin in a plastic bag. Mix all of the ingredients together well and pour them over the pork. Let it marinate at least one hour and up to 24 hours. Grill the pork until done (about 15 minutes).

Hey pretty girl!

While the pork grills, put the marinade in a saucepan and bring it to a boil. Reduce the heat to low and simmer it, reducing the marinade down into a sauce for your pork.

Check out the caramelization. We were definitely fighting over the crunchy bits!

I mean!

With a giant pan of sautéed veggies on the side, of course. Pork tenderloin is pretty good for you—lean and all that—but veggies make everything better.

Food porn.

{dirty}

It was a little chilly for dinner on the deck tonight . . . but then again, when am I not cold?

Dad fired up the space heater so I sucked it up pretty well. Smile

For this dinner, I’d say it was worth it!

Mom’s feeling a little under the weather, so I graciously offered to make an ice cream run to cheer her up. Daughter of the year? Pretty much. Open-mouthed smile

Off I go!

How do you deal with people being ugly over email?

Super Healthy Peanut Butter Cookie Dough

Posted on August 29, 2011 by Melissa

This morning, I was all set to be all reflect-y and write something about all the crap swimming around in my head, but my heart just wasn’t in it. I was distracted. Restless. I couldn’t sit to it, ya know?

So instead I’m going to tell you about these.

Those, my friends, would be last night’s dessert. In keeping with the no cooking theme of the evening, I made Chocolate Covered Katie’s Peanut Butter Cookie Dough Cookies.

I followed her recipe almost exactly, just subbing in dates for the raisins—I just cannot get on board with raisins—and they were so fantastically yummy! She’s not kidding when she says they’re addicting. I dug every last morsel out of the blender. No crumb went uneaten. Too freaking delicious!

Now, these aren’t exactly healthy if you eat all of them, but they’re not horrible for you, either. I mean, it’s just dates—which are fruit, right? And peanuts. So those grow in the ground, I think. All good for you stuff. Super healthy.

{See how I just convinced myself right there? Skills, friends. Skills.}

This morning I had a rather chilly 4 mile run. It already kind of feels like fall in the mornings here . . . too soon! Maybe I need to rethink this moving thing. I mean, my stuff is still all in Richmond in storage . . . Smile