Mmmmmm. I think this might be Chocolate Covered Katie week here on the old blog. After the fantastic success of the Peanut Butter Cookie Dough Cookies, I decided to start off my morning with another one of her fantastic recipes. Namely, Raspberry Marzipan Muffins!
I made a few substitutions, like melted Smart Balance Light for the oil, and all vanilla extract instead of vanilla + almond (because I didn’t have any!), then used Splenda for the sweetener portion because that’s what I did have. All in all, holy yumballs! I’d call it a success.
Since the recipe makes 2, I shared with Mom. I don’t think she hated it.
Even with the sweetener, this was sweet, but not too sweet. The raspberries definitely gave it just the right amount of fruity goodness. Highly satisfied with this recipe! It’s a keeper!
Even though I’m finally a little bit more settled now that I’m back in Michigan, I’ve been feeling, well, not that great lately. Physically, I’m just a little run down, which I think is leftover from all the moving and traveling and stress, but emotionally, I’m kind of a mess.
I don’t know why I haven’t blogged about it because I’m a pretty open book on here, but I guess I was just hoping it would go away. Unfortunately, this little nagging thing just isn’t, and it’s buggin’ me.
So how am I feeling exactly? Well, really insecure. And honestly, it annoys me. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. Since I’ve worked so hard to get to a place of feeling good about myself again being completely broken down by my last relationship, it makes me a little nervous.
Where is this insecurity coming from? I’ve tried to break it down, and here’s what I’ve come up with:
- Work. Yep, I still love my new job, and I’m really enjoying it, but there are a few things with my contract that are still up in the air which I’m pretty sure would make anyone insecure. Every time I feel like I may have mis-stepped, I freak out a little because I’m worried someone’s going to pull the plug on the whole thing. The likelihood of that happening? In reality, probably very slim, but I’m a worrier by nature, so I tend to think worst case scenario.
- Home. Nope, I’m not second-guessing being in Michigan, but I am sort of homeless right now. Obviously, staying at my parents’ house takes care of that, but I don’t my own place to live yet, I’m not really finding anything that’s quite what I want, and due to the aforementioned #1 above, I’m not 100% sure of my budget. Unsettling.
- Dudes. Or maybe not dudes is what that should say. I’m feeling a little pressure to be dating more, and I’m nervous about it. As I said, I’ve worked incredibly hard to feel good about myself again, and I’m worried that dating someone is going to somehow take that away from me. I don’t particularly like myself when I’m in a relationship. For some reason, I get super needy, and the more my needs aren’t met, the needier I become. It’s ugly. I hate it, and I’m not sure how to stop it. Until that happens, I’d kind of rather not date. I tested the waters with this a little bit in Virginia and went out with a really great guy a few times before I left, but I already felt myself getting needy in that short time, and I hated it.
So pretty much, I’m feeling insecure because my life right now is NOT secure. I’m probably blowing it out of proportion because that’s my way, but at least I can acknowledge that I’m feeling this way and try to take control of some aspects of my life that I do have power over. I’m a really anxious person by nature, and while I’ve felt much less anxiety in the last several months, it seems to have returned with a vengeance the last few weeks.
Instead of wallowing in this feeling, I’m trying to do things that I know I enjoy, that make me feel good and strong and happy.
And spending time with people that like me.
And actually talking about my feelings instead of pretending they don’t exist!
Oh, and making all of CCK’s recipes because they are decidedly delicious. (I was finishing my muffin as I wrote this and felt compelled to add that in.)
Do you ever feel insecure? How do you break yourself out of it?